All by myself

Every new parent (well, at least this new parent) dreams of rocking their child to sleep and sitting with their child in their lap, reading a book together. When Katie was a baby, she was very mouthy. So mouthy, in fact, that even at a year, the one or two board books we gave her are beyond redemption. She would much rather eat the book then read the book. Fortunately, just as I was about to despair, we read Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? and she was hooked at about 18 months. Now I despair over having to read the Cat in the Hat again. It has been really nice seeing her change and grow into a child who really loves books. When she wakes up from her nap, she will often get books and bring them back to her bed and read. Sometimes she even does that when she's avoiding bedtime (I think I wrote about that once before). She turns the light on and reads until I tell her it really is time to go to sleep.

Rocking has been different. When Katie was a baby, rocking her wasn't an option. She was what I call "a dump job". The only way she would go to sleep was if you put her in her crib and walked away, shutting the door. Rocking, singing, or otherwise staying in her room was too much stimulation. If you left her alone and closed the door, she would sit or stand and maybe cry for a minute and then lay down and go to sleep. To my delight, however, as a toddler, she liked being rocked before bed. It has still been too much stimulation at times. Sometimes she spends more time talking to me about who knows what then relaxing and getting ready for sleep. Or she spends so much time squirming around that 2 whole songs have gone by before she is ready to actually rock (and that's usually when she needs to go down). Despite these times, I have enjoyed sitting and holding my baby in my arms and rocking with her as I didn't get to when she was really little. Now, at age 2.75, she has decided that she wants to rock herself. For the last three nights, after we finished reading her story, she wants to rock "on my bottom, by myself." So, I have left her in her room with the music on, rocking in her rocking chair. After awhile, I go back in and put her in the bed. I don't know how well it's helping her sleep (today she was still pretty wound up after rocking for 7 songs by herself) but I admit I am mourning the loss of my "little one." She's practically too big to rock, at 40 inches and 37 lbs (yes, she really is going to turn 3 at the end of May, not 5). Perhaps this too is just a phase and she will go back to wanting to be rocked before too long. It's just another reminder to me to savor the times I have because, regardless of how long they are, they will always be shorter than I wish them to be.